How To Request a Criminal Record Check in Brazil in 27 Easy Steps:

(aka: The Only Way to Get Things Done in This Country)

1 - Go to the courthouse during 'normal' working hours. (in our case, 3:30 pm)

2 - Find out that normal working hours at the courthouse are 8-11:00 am and 1-2:00 pm. (yep, that's four working hours)

3 - Return the next day at 8:30 am.

4 - Have your husband denied entry to the courthouse because he decided to wear shorts instead of pants.

5 - Stand in line.

6 - Get photocopies of all the documents you were told you needed.

7 - Stand in line.

8 - Find out that you actually need copies of one other document.

9 - Stand in line.

10 - Get copies of that one other document.

11 - Stand in line.

12 - Fill out forms.

13 - Run outside to get a signature from your banished husband.

14 - Stand in line.

15 - Find out that you also need a document that has both your parents names on it.

16 - Sigh, because you left your special birth certificates with this information at home.

17 - Drive home.

18 - Make copies of documents at home to avoid standing in one more line.

19 - Drive to the courthouse.

20 - Stand in line.

21 - Submit application for criminal record check.

22 - Drive through downtown traffic. Sit patiently in a traffic jam. (Preferably singing Johnny Cash songs loudly to pass the time.)

23 - Stand in line.

24 - Pay bill (oh, and the machine is broken. Good thing I have cash on me)

25 - Drive home.

26 - Wait until tomorrow at 8:00 and hope that it will be ready for pickup.

27 - Remind Karl to wear pants, because only he can pick up the one bearing his name.